Grace Found Freedom

My Lesson

2012-01-20T22:21:00.001-05:00

As I sit here listening to my partner play on her fendertelecaster I felt it would be appropriate to blog. Music inspires me and her playing inspires mefurther. My week has been stressful and nerve racking. I blame myself for thestress. One thing I have learned is life is full of lessons. One lesson that Iam struggling to learn is I cannot fix every problem. My nature is to attempt tofix everything and make everything whole. My fetal attempts to fix things around me canlead to a high stress level. I cannot fix every problem and every one. I haveto learn that others have to fix the damage in their lives. I can be there toencourage them and support them; however I cannot mend their spirit or theirheart. The sooner I learn this the less stress I will have in my life. The hardestlessons learned are the most appreciated.

2012-01-15T12:11:00.001-05:00

One of my mother’s wishes was for me to write a book. She always enjoyed reading things that I had written. She was an avid reader of my blog and had it marked in her favorites on her laptop. I would love to honor her memory and write a book; however I am not sure exactly what to write about. I have been thinking a lot about it since her death. I have a couple ideas floating around my mind. I hope one day to fulfill her wish for me and make her proud. Who knows what the future holds? What would you write about if you were writing a book?

2012-01-10T21:33:00.001-05:00

Well I am still alive and breathing. I have been on a holiday hiatus. The holidays were wonderful and filled with much love. I spent the majority of my holiday time working .the rest of my time was spent with my partner and her mother. I enjoy spending time with my partner’s mother after losing mine over a year ago. I loved feeling the joy and love of the holidays. My life has changed for the better and I am truly blessed. I will always be humble and grateful for the life I have.

I am going to make every effort to write more this year. By the way if this is the year it all ends as some are predicting, might I state I have lived a life with no regrets.

My Holiday Wish List

2011-12-13T16:04:00.002-05:00

I am still alive and I realize I haven’t posted anything in a while. I really do not have an acceptable excuse for my lack of posting other than just being busy. I thought a holiday post was in order.

I am not a materialistic person and I never have really made a Christmas wish list. I have learned over the years to be thankful for things like love and friendship. For me the holidays are about giving. Honestly though I like to give all year round because it brings me joy. I thought to myself if I were to compose a Christmas wish list what would it look like. After a little thought this is what I came up with. The first thing I would wish for is my mother’s journal. It was a mother daughter journal that my mother worked on for me for a few years. My mother didn’t have much and even if she had I wouldn’t want it. That journal to me is more valuable than anything. Those were her words to me. Even if I never obtain the journal I can treasure the moments we share because those cannot be taken from me. The second thing on my wish list is rather odd but so am I. I would like to dress up as Snoopy and pass out Christmas presents at a children’s hospital. No child should be stuck in the hospital at any time but especially during the holidays. I would love to make a child smile during on Christmas day. I love giving and that would be the ultimate way to give. I know some of you may be asking yourself why Snoopy? Well I had a stuffed Snoopy dog when I was a child that always brought me joy even during some scary times in my childhood. He represents happiness and safety to me.

So there you have it my wish list for Christmas. What would your wish list look like?

Farewell Blue Demon

2011-11-18T13:02:00.000-05:00

When I was down and out I purchased this car. When my mother passed I wrecked it but she still ran. My friend Jason and I put another radiator in her and fixed her headlight. The blue demon made it cross country with my partner and I intact. She wasn't a chariot of gold but she was loyal. I created a lot of found memories with her help. Unfortunately she became too unsafe to drive and I couldn't afford to put in money into fixing her. I chose to junk her out. I am hoping to eventually get a car. Public transportation and carpooling aren't that bad. I will eventually save and purchase another vehicle. I will always be grateful for the blue demon...farewell old faithful.

Cherish the Now

2011-11-04T20:26:00.000-04:00

October 17, 2010 is a day I will never forget. It was a day that my life changed forever. On that day my mother died unexpectedly. For years my mother had been struggling with her health however I was expecting her to pass suddenly. I always tried to take care of her until I couldn’t anymore. I think that is the problem with the way some of us live our lives. We don’t take time to admire what we have until it is gone.

That day was tragic for me because I hadn’t spoken with my mother in a while. Like people often do we had a misunderstanding and a disagreement. Both of us hurt by the others actions. She had tried contact me a week before she passed but I wasn’t ready to talk. She left me a message telling me what a great daughter I was and that she loved me. My mother and I had misunderstanding however our love for each other out weighed them. I decided I was going to contact my mother after vacation but when my plane landed it was too late. I am at peace with her death and in my heart I know that she knows I will always love her. For a year I debated sharing this story. I decided to share this story to let others know don’t put off tomorrow what should be done today. None of us know what the future holds. Cherish the now moments you have. Always….always say what you need to say.

I didn’t get to go to my mother’s grave to pay my respects due to me being about 2000 miles away. I asked my friends to go and take pictures. They did one even better and took a bouquet of my mother’s favorite flowers and mine. My friend text me and said “I talked to your mom and said a prayer for you”. I have some of the best friends in the world and I am blessed. It isn’t always blood that makes you family. I just want to say thank you to my friends they will never know how much this meant to me. You put a smile on my face as well as my mother’s.

Dave & Tim - Out Of My Hands (Live)

2011-10-28T09:30:00.000-04:00

Homosexual Educating Uninformed Heterosexuals

2011-10-26T17:42:00.000-04:00

I am going to do my best not to offend anyone with the post; however I am sure I offended someone with the title of the post. I feel it is necessary to educate the uniformed heterosexuals concerning etiquette and when interacting with homosexuals. Please be advised that like heterosexuals, homosexuals are human and have feelings. It may come as a surprise to uneducated heterosexuals but homosexuals love their partners in the same manner. If a homosexual’s partner is ill or in pain they care in the same manner the heterosexual would if it were their partner. If the homosexual’s partner dies we would like the same amount of grieving time the heterosexual is allowed, because believe it or not homosexuals grieve. Please also be advised that in no way does a homosexual want to engage in sexual activity by saying hello to a heterosexual. Please be advised that homosexuals are not checking the heterosexual out by looking up to acknowledge their presences. If a homosexual enters a room it does not mean that heterosexuals will catch “homosexuality”. Despite what you may have heard homosexuality is not a disease or even a mental illness. In fact in 1986 the homosexuality was removed for the DSM as a mental health disorder. Homosexuals in fact breathe, eat, and sleep the same way heterosexuals do. Please be advised that homosexuals will not ruin the sanctity of marriage because heterosexuals ruined it along time ago with divorce.

A special message to the histrionic heterosexual; please be advised that not everyone wants to deal with your narcissistic ways including homosexuals. It may come as a surprise to your ignored ego but perhaps your low self worth makes you want to believe you are desirable to everyone including homosexuals. Not every one enjoys putting themselves in sadistic circumstances including homosexuals.

In conclusion please treat homosexuals like humans. Thank you for your time class dismissed.

Chelsea the Wonder Dog Presents Adventure at the Park

2011-10-22T13:57:00.001-04:00

As most of my readers know from my previous post our trip to LA didn't last as long as we anticipated. We decided to make the most of it and take Chelsea the wonder dog to the park.We snapped a lot of pictures during are two trips to the park.

It was hard to tell if Chelsea was scared of the birds or wanted to eat them.

Chelsea loving the grass and eating her treat

Chelsea smiling already having a great time

The birds working a plan to escape if necessary

Chelsea smells birds

The ducks before noticing Chelsea

The ducks noticing Chelsea

The ducks escaping Chelsea

The bird stands alone

The beautiful waterfall at the park

Birds in the tree afraid of Chelsea the wonder dog

Phoenix the only place I know where flowers bloom like it is spring in fall

More pretty flowers

No critters in here Chelsea and I checked

One of the many bridges at the park

Chelsea the wonder dog wanting water after a long walk

A view of my company's corporate building

Chelsea wanted to fish with him

Don't do it duck you have a lot to live for..my crisis job never ends

More ducks swimming

Chelsea thinking about which one she wants as an appetizer

I think she spotted one

Chelsea tired in the back seat

Chelsea the wonder dog napping after a wonderful adventure at the park

Adventures In LA

2011-10-21T20:51:00.000-04:00

My partner and I decided to take a little mini vacation to LA and take along Chelsea the wonder dog. Unfortunately our trip was cut a little short but we made the most of our time there. I was able to snap some photos to share with my readers.

Chelsea meeting her grandma for the first time

Chelsea the wonder dog did not like being harnessed in and not allowed up front

Chelsea the wonder dog wandering if we were there yet.

Chelsea trying to sport a headband and be fashionable in LA

Chelsea basking in the LA sun

Shopping day with J and her mom

Shopping

Pretty green and blooms stuff you don't see in the desert

J, her mom and I grabbing lunch...shopping makes girls hungry.

Snap shot of some mountains

My dream bike only cost a quarter.

Walking around Old Town Montrose

Checking out birds while picking up treats for Chelsea the wonder dog.

So we didn't get to the walk of fame or Ventura beach but we had a great time laughing, loving, and sharing.

Dear Mom

2011-10-17T18:49:00.001-04:00

Today marks one year anniversary of my mother’s passing. It has been a hard day but I am thankful that I am surrounded by love today. I decided to post a letter to my mother to honor her today. Unfortunately I cannot visit my mother’s grave today because it is far away. I am grateful that my friends back home are visiting my mother’s grave today in my honor and are leaving our favorite flowers. My cup runneth over because I have such wonderful friends and I had a wonderful mother

Dear Mom,

It has been a year since you departed but in ways it feels just like yesterday. I miss you tremendously; however I know you are better. Thank you for being a woman of courage. Thank you for instilling good character in me. You were hard on me growing up but I understand why now that I am an adult. I am sorry I didn’t call you back before passed. In my heart I know you never doubted my love for you and that you loved me unconditionally. I learned not to put off tomorrow what can be done today. I wish you could see what I have become because of what you taught me. I am doing my best to help those in need. I know in my heart you would be proud of me and the work I do. Thank you for teaching me how to be a woman. You will be in my heart until we meet again.

Love,

Your Strawberry Shortcake

Angela

Tick Tock

2011-10-15T13:26:00.001-04:00

Tick....tock repeatedly playing in my head as time is winding down for a much needed vacation. The past couple of weeks have been difficult and stressful. I am looking forward to hanging out with my partners mom, and eating good home cooked Cuban food. I cannot wait to stick my toes in the sand and take Chelsea the wonder dog to the dogie beach. Cheers for vacation.

A Dog's Life

2011-10-12T16:35:00.000-04:00

Chelsea the wonder dog enjoying the Sun

Chelsea playing dead in the sun....

I wish I had a dog's life

Still Alive

2011-10-11T22:25:00.002-04:00

Well readers I am still alive and breathing. I am waiting for inspiration or just a spark of creativity. I feel like I am running on empty and haven’t really been able to sit down to write. I am hoping that my much needed vacation next week inspires me. I am hoping the ocean and some time away from my job will be the self-care I need to make through this never ending slump.

One thing I am certain of is I need some time to processes things that I have been too busy to process. I need a release and a cleansing from hurt. I need to do things for me for once in my life. No matter what the future holds I am certain I will survive as I always seem to do.

Lack of Understanding vs Perseverance

2011-10-01T22:50:00.000-04:00

Do you ever find yourself struggling within? The past few days I have felt like I am at war with myself. I find myself struggling to make sense of things in life. I find myself trying to make sense of death and yet I have no solution or resolution. Life is odd and hard at times. No one promised life would be easy and I realize that. I struggle to persevere and pray that I am headed in the right direction. I have seen birth and the joy it brings. I have witnessed death and the sorrow. I will never understand certain things but I am grateful that I have always pulled through. I pray that I continue to have the strength to persevere and make a difference in the world. I know I will lack understanding about certain things in life; however I find it necessary to persevere.

Memory Monday...Out Cold at Church

2011-09-26T22:23:00.001-04:00

I only have a scar to remind me of today’s memory. Growing up my family attended church about every time there was a service to attend. For those of you who have been in a church sanctuary you know that back in the day there were wooden pews and not cushion chairs like in modern sanctuaries. I was about 2 years old for some reason unbeknown to me I decided to stand on one of those wooden pews in my slippery shoes. Mind you there was a church service taking place. Somehow I slipped and WHACK I hit the pew in front of me. My mother told me she was as white as a ghost when she looked down to find me on the ground and my face covered in blood. It is the first and last time I interrupted a church service. I imagine I do not recall this memory because I knocked myself out cold. I did get stitches my family was hard core religious and prayed instead. Those who know me may think that was a bad idea considering the way I am today. Haha.

The Week of Emotion

2011-09-24T15:19:00.000-04:00

This has been an odd week full with all sorts of emotion. It started off with two testimonies in court for two separate cases. Getting subpoenaed to testify in court is just a nerve racking formality of my job. Why us court testimony necessary well when someone isn't voluntary for help and we have to do what is necessary to get them the help they need. I do not take that responsibility lightly since I am taking a person's rights away. It went well although I was nervous.

We journey on to Tuesday of my week which was wonderful. My partner and I had family in and hung out in downtown Phoenix which is not something I have had the opportunity to do. We had a wonderful time hanging out. That was until Chelsea the wonder dog decided to make a run for it…have no fear she returned unharmed after we chased her down.

Wednesday I made breakfast for all of us and I must say it was pretty good. I also found out that my brother being the religious fanatic that he is went MIA again. He has taken the loss of my mother hard and has been really going through a difficult time this year. The only thing the family can do is pray as we have tried everything else to get him help. It worries me but I have had to come with the terms that I cannot do anything further.

The end of the week has been hard as a couple of friends have lost loved-ones. I understand that death is inevitable but that doesn’t make it any easier. I understand the pain that comes with losing a loved one all too well. There are no words of comfort that anyone can give. I know what helped me is the ones who I truly knew cared were there. They had no words but they looked out for me.

Finally I heard from a co-worker who is facing a difficult time. I handle stranger’s crisis all day long but it is truly difficult to help your friends/loved ones in crisis. I care so much and want to make it go away and I can’t. It really is a hard pill to swallow knowing I sometimes cannot do anything. Life happens but we don’t have to always face it alone. I rest in the fact that in difficult times sometimes all we have is each other, love, prayers, and thoughts.

Freestyle Friday ..Ode to Memories

2011-09-16T18:28:00.000-04:00

Recently I have had a few cases of elderly clients showing signs of dementia. My line of work is difficult and for me the most difficult part is finding treatment for those in need. There are some days I feel like I am watching a ticking time bomb and I can do nothing about it. This piece of writing are my feelings when I see these cases of dementia. Oh to find solutions to what ails the human race.

Ode to Memories

Memories fade into the distance

Clouded thoughts show little resistance

No recollection of who I used to be

All these faces unrecognizable to me

Mumbling silence so frightening

Nothing seems to be enlightening

You are not who I think you are

Memories of you drifted far

Lost touch with my identity

Oh to have some serenity

A Wednesday Rant

2011-09-14T15:20:00.000-04:00

Nothing aggravates me more than organized religion. I feel like I can freely say that being part of organized of religion for the better part of my childhood into my young adulthood. I found too much judgment, too many hypocrites, and too many politics. I found that a lot of members passing judgment were trying to hide their own transgressions. The mentality of screaming about others transgressions, so no one notices what transgressions they commit behind closed doors. I have read about a pastor’s recent transgression and messing with young men in his church. Don’t use authority, money, and power to exploit young men and say you are called of God.

I personally believe that there is a massive difference between organized religions and spirituality. Organized religion is a money maker and for some who exploit spirituality. If you send me your love gift blessing will come your way. Then they use the love gift for their elaborate clothing, elaborate jets, elaborate cars, and elaborate homes. They enjoy their elaborate things while someone who gave them their last dime. I have study religion enough to know that those they serve never needed elaboration to spread their message of hope. I mean did Jesus feel it was necessary to ride around in a golden carriage to spread his message of hope. Absolutely not…he spread his message by his actions according to the bible. I get so frustrated when I see that a church finds it necessary to market hope by elaborate buildings, and media. How about opening a food kitchen for the hungry? How about visiting hospitals and prisons?

Spirituality to me is about how we live and how we choose to help others regardless of how they believe or live. Organized religion condemns and spirituality shows compassion. I do not what to be a part of something where there are meetings held to figure out when we are going to be compassionate. I will show love, kindness, and respect because in the end that’s what reaches people. It’s not the fancy lighting, awesome music, or the elaborate buildings because the elaborate things do not go home with those in need. Mother Teresa did not need a new outfit, and a fancy car to help those in need. She just had her heart and the compassion within. I don’t want to offend or make anyone think I am bashing every church because I know there are some great caring churches out there. I just feel that somewhere along the way a lot of churches got it twisted.

What are you doing to make a difference in the world around you? I ask myself what I can do better to help those in need. I truly want to make a difference in the lives I touch.

Memory Monday...A Mothers Touch

2011-09-12T11:21:00.000-04:00

Growing up I did not get sick a lot but when I got sick it was usually a horrible experience. My mother taught me to tough it out and fight to get better. The older I got the better I was able to deal with being sick. When I was young I hated being sick with even a small cold because it meant rest and medicine.

When I was six I became ill with pneumonia. There was a lot of laying in bed and medicine even in the form o shots. My mother was wonderful and took great care of me. She moved a television in my room, bought me a doughnut with sprinkles and made sure I had everything I needed right beside my bed. As luck would I have it my seventh birthday occurred when I had pneumonia. My mom still bought me a cake and but candles on it even though I couldn’t blow them out. I had to go to the doctor’s office three times that week for shots. By the third shot I gave the nurses and doctors trouble because I was done with them sticking my backside. I remember sitting in the waiting room and my mom laying me on her lap to gently scratch my back. My mom always had this way of calming me when I was scared. I will never forget my mother’s touch that day it is one of the sweetest memories I have of her from my childhood. There is something to be said for a mother’s touch to comfort her child. In most cases no one else can comfort you like your mother. To all you wonderful mothers out there I send much love your way. To all the children of wonderful mothers I encourage you to hug your mother or call her. You never know when that opportunity can be taken from you.

Lighting a Candle and Remembering

2011-09-11T17:50:00.001-04:00

Many of us remember exactly what we were doing ten years ago today. I will never forget the sorrow and terror I felt. I woke up expecting a normal day which consisted of getting ready, going to work, and drinking coffee. Like all Americans on that day…my day was far from normal. I was terrified and I never will forget staring into the sky waiting for something else horrible to happen. There was a sense of uncertainty that I experienced. I will never forget watching the horrific scenes. In fact the scenes are still too horrific for me to live today. I will never forget how a nation of people came together despite differences and believes to comfort each other during a time of great sorrow. Americans stepped up and took pride in their nation and many stepped up to defend her. It saddens me to think that it takes an act of terror for a nation to unite. I feel like we as a nation should have respect for each other every day.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the family members of those lives lost on this tragic day ten years ago. My thoughts and prayers are extended to all service men and women who fight for our countries freedoms today. I am thankful to the heroes who arrived to help those in need that day. While I may not be able to relive the footage, I have decided to light a candle. I am lighting a candle to remember the lives lost, our troops who have passed fighting for our freedom, and the troops who fight today. It is a day Americans will never forget.

Freestyle Friday

2011-09-10T03:41:00.001-04:00

Well I am a day late...I sincerely apologize to my readers. Work and my personal life have been keeping me busy which means the creative juices are not flowing. I hope to have a post next week for Freestyle Friday until then I will leave you with one of my favorite poems Bright Star by John Keats

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.

It's Just Wednesday

2011-09-07T06:31:00.000-04:00

I have decided to scrap the Wacky Wednesday Questions due to little response. I decided I will just post normally and post what I want on Wednesdays.

On another note I received my first subpoena a few weeks ago. For the record it's not for any criminal activity it is just something that happens in my line of work. To say I am nervous is an understatement. I am taking today to prepare myself, as tomorrow is the big day. It is a little disheartening to me that I have to convince a judge that someone needs help while some attorneys try to trip me up. My co-worker and I would have not taken the measures we took if we did not deem it necessary for the client to receive some help. Everyone wish me luck and enjoy the midweek hump.

Memory Monday....Cooking

2011-09-05T19:48:00.002-04:00

For those readers who aren’t aware I love to cook. In fact I attended a semester of culinary school and I had a blast but decided that it wasn’t what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I had my share of jobs in the food service industry but one of my most memorable was as a line cook at Brooke and Bucs which is no longer in existence. When I first got the job I was hired on as a fry side cook and salad maker. I quickly worked my way up the line till I reached the grill. It was hard work and I remember coming home several nights in pain or with a new burn. I even cooked a steak for the governor of Kentucky at the time. I look back on the experience and I am grateful. I worked hard to get an education and reach my goal of helping others. I appreciate the struggles that have gotten me to the point where I am today. I still love cooking for others and that will never change no matter where I go in life.

Memory Monday...Judge Not

2011-08-29T01:32:00.000-04:00

Well I am opening up about a memory I tend not to discuss often. I have a wonderful partner now and I have learned to accept myself; however that was not always the case. I grew up in a very religious environment and I wanted more than anything to please my family. For as long as I remember I knew there was something different about me and I was not attracted to the opposite sex. Yet I wanted to please everyone and I was brought up to believe that I was to marry a man, submit to that man, and have children. Those were the duties I was to fulfill as a woman. Naturally I did what I was supposed to do I married and worked in the church. I tried having children but didn’t happen thank goodness. As you all know the whole marriage thing didn’t work. The thing that I remember most going through my divorce was the judgment that was given to me by church members. You know the so-called Christians that bible thump and preach to others so they don’t have to deal with their own transgressions. There were people that thought I should not even work in the church anymore much less be allowed to sit in the same pew with them. This was just me going through a divorce because the marriage didn’t work. I had not revealed anything about my sexual orientation. While I remember those who past judgment on me during such a difficult time, I pray they find peace within themselves. More importantly I remember those who are real Christians ironically they were Christ like. They had compassion and stood by me during the difficult times and believe it or not they still love me today. They allowed me into their homes and were supportive. They would do anything for me despite my gender preference. I have established many wonderful memories with these real Christians who I will always be able to call friends.

Remember that it is not okay to pass judgment on anyone. You may want to try walking a mile in their shoes.

Freestyle Friday...No Poetry

2011-08-26T17:38:00.000-04:00

Sorry no poetry today. I decided I would rather post my thoughts today. One thing that aging has taught me is that life happens. There are things that happen that are beyond our control. Life can be devastating and leave us scratching our heads. Death, financial hardship, relationships ending, natural disasters, and illness are things that devastate everyone.

One of the hardest things I have had to do was let my mother go. Thoughts and memories of her still linger, and I even dream of her. I wake up to the harsh reality that she is gone. In my dreams I dream she didn’t die. I guess that is my way of holding on to her in my mind.

Life hurts and at times our spirit is broken. We are left in the brokenness to wonder if we will ever be whole. We wonder if the hurt will ever go away. The hurt eases but never goes away. We experience hurt and in some ways I believe that is lives way of showing us we are alive.

Yes aging has taught me life happens and it has also taught me to be grateful that my life happened. I am grateful I had a great mother. I am grateful for the hardships they have taught me to persevere and appreciate the great times. In the moment of hardship we are unaware if we will survive. As I look back at my life I have survived things I never thought I could. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. The hardships and devastation can pull people together. I am thankful that I am no longer alone when experiencing hardships. I people in my life who offer their words of encourage and listen as I cry. I have someone who constantly states “we” will get through it. I take comfort in knowing while life happens I am not alone on the journey.

If you see someone facing life offer them a smile, listen, and offer appropriate words of encouragement. Remember we all have been broken and we all survive.

Memory Monday..No Laughing Matter

2011-08-22T19:01:00.002-04:00

For as long as I can remember I have used humor to get through some of the most difficult times in my life. Growing up I wanted to be comedian however that has not panned out yet. I loved making my classmates laugh. I fully believe that laughter can get you through some dark times.

I have the upmost respect for stand-up comedians. It takes a lot of effort to stand on a stage alone and entertain people. I am excited any time I can see a funny movie or comedian because I need to laugh considering my line of employment. That is why I decided to take my partner and I to see a famous comedian this weekend. We were sadly disappointed and we ended up leaving early due to safety concerns. I had a lot of respect for this comedian; however I lost respect for him this weekend. The comedian was late and his act became inappropriate. I feel like if you are an entertainer you need to take responsibility and respect those that pay to see you. The comedian appeared to be under the influence and his behavior was rather erratic. His act was highly irresponsible in approaching heated a heated political issue for the region I live in. He argued with a man in the audience for a long time and security had to be called. Once security was called he insisted the back off and he continued to argue with the audience member. That lead to the tension amongst audience members becoming highly charged and people began fighting. There were no metal detectors or searches. I was not certain if anyone had brought weapons to the show. My partner and I decided to leave because we were uncertain what would transpire. I paid a good sum of money to see this comedian but it was not worth risking my partner’s safety nor mine.

It was a scaring experience and it reminded me that while we have come a long way in this country to accept everyone there is still tension amongst different cultures. I walked away sad and disappointed. Laughter should bring people together and make people happy. Entertainers should express their point of view responsibly and not cause danger to those they are entertaining. I will not soon forget how scared I was for our safety this weekend. While it is not the best memory it did allow me to think. Being placed in a dangerous situation can really put things into perspective. I learned that you should remember where you come from and never forget what has brought you to where you are now. Remember there is always hope for the future and to respect everyone. All are created people are created equal. We are all humans and while we may not agree respect each other. It truly was no laughing matter.

Freestyle Friday....You

2011-08-19T14:06:00.002-04:00

You

You touched my heart the way no one else could

You accept my flaws and scars

You love me unconditionally without questions

You gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for

When you gave me your heart

You broke down the walls of hurt

You with the brown eyes, olives skin, and dark hair

You are everything I dreamed you would be

You are you

Wacky Wednesday Question

2011-08-17T10:53:00.000-04:00

This weeks wacky question is drum roll please...............if you could be any animal what animal would you be?

Now it is only fair that I respond with my answer since I do ask my readers to respond. I would want to be a dog. Yes I said dog. I would want be a service dog and help those in need. It has been engraved in my soul to help others and I do not think I would ever want to lose that part of me even if I became an animal. There is something special between a human and their pets.

Dear readers what is your answer?

Memory Monday...Momma and Movies

2011-08-15T14:17:00.000-04:00

My partner and I went to see The Help this weekend. We thought it was a wonderful film filled with laughter and tears. It isn’t any wonder there is Oscar buzz. I must read the book as soon as possible. The movie made me think and brought back some memories.

Sitting there watching I could not help but think if my mom were alive she would have loved this film. My mother loved great movies that delivered wonderful messages. I remember her taking my great grandmother and me to see Steel Magnolias in the theater. Going to the movies with my mom became a wonderful ritual that I will not soon forget.

Watching the film made me appreciate the way my mother raised me. She raised me to respect everyone no matter race, gender, handicap, religious belief, or ethnicity. It doesn’t matter to me if someone is serving me a hamburger or they are the president. I was taught to treat them with respect. It is real pet peeve of mine to see people think they are better than others and treat them like second class citizens. Always remember where you come from. Growing up I never thought I would graduate high school much less college. My mother struggled to make it because my father would gamble our money away. My mother started her own cleaning business from the ground up. When her and my father divorced I had to help with the business and that sometimes meant being pulled out of school to pay a bill. Growing up I felt degraded cleaning a rich teenagers room as we struggled to survive; however now that I am older I appreciate the experience. It pushed me to graduate, to make something of myself, and to help others. It taught me to work hard and push through the hard times. My mother always would preach never do anything half assed but do your absolute best. I am a better woman today because of that lesson.

I encourage my readers to remember where you come from, never give up, and if you have a chance go see The Help.

Wacky Wednesday Question...Your Nickname

2011-08-10T10:03:00.000-04:00

Growing up I had a nickname that stuck with me even as an adult. I was born with red hair and freckles so instead of my family calling me a "ginger" the decided "strawberry shortcake" was more fitting. I was surrounded by everything "strawberry shortcake." I had all sorts of her toys. My mother called me that until the day she passed. I used to hate still being called that as an adult but I would give anything to hear my mom call me her "little strawberry shortcake" once more.

Enquiring minds want to know...did you have a childhood nickname? What was it if you did?

Happy Hump Day everyone.

Update and the Weather

2011-08-09T11:09:00.000-04:00

Well due to life events I haven’t been able to keep up with my regular postings. I have decided to give a brief update. The past few days have been trying to say the least. I recently had two injections of steroids into my back to see if it will help with pinched nerves and disc problems. I had no idea the procedure was going to hurt as bad as it did. I wasn’t expecting to nearly be in tears on the table. I thought it was going to be a walk in the park…boy I thought wrong. As much as I hated someone helping me for a change, I am thankful my partner was around to take care of me. I am happy to report that I seem to be feeling some relief now.

Onto the weather report…It has been very hot and humid here in the desert. Yeah I know it’s the desert but wow. Thank goodness I love my partner and my job or I would call it quits here. I am learning that this heat not only affects humans but vehicles as well. I went to start the blue demon yesterday and she was dead. It appears the heat has drained the life out of her battery. I am hoping and praying that is all it is. I am thankful that my co-workers were nice enough to pick me up.

Despite the rough few days I am thankful. My job tends to keep me in check. Just when I want to feel sorry for myself I get the opportunity to view someone else’s difficult circumstances and realize I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a job, a home, a vehicle, and someone who loves me. I have the opportunity to help those in need. I need to remember to be thankful for what I do have and not worry about the things I don’t have.

Freestyle Friday-My Blues Song

2011-08-05T10:29:00.000-04:00

This post is in no way a reflection of my current life situation or relationship. I think we have all been done dirty in life at one point or another. What better way to tell a story than write a blues song about it. As said on one of my favorite shows (In Living Color) "I wrote a little song about it...like to hear it here it go." Laying in my bed recovering yesterday I thought I would reflect and write my blues song. Did I mention I was a bit sedated from a medical procedure that could explain the poor writing below. Below is my blues song...enjoy.

You played me for a fool, girl and you done me wrong

You played me for a fool and so I wrote this song

I may have been a fool girl but I won’t be for long

You took my love…you took my heart

You took every piece of me

And you tore it apart

You played me for a fool, girl and you done me wrong

I may be cryin now but it won’t be for long.

I don’t worry…I let it be

You’ll get burnt just like me

Don’t come here for no sympathy

You played me for a fool, girl and you done me wrong

No sense in dwellin so I move along

Wacky Wednesday Question...featuring Chelsea the Wonder Dog

2011-08-03T01:55:00.000-04:00

Chelsea the Cool Wonder Dog

Here is this weeks wacky question. Have you ever dressed your animal and if so exactly how wacky have you gotten? As you can see my partner and I get pretty wacky when it comes to dressing Chelsea.

Memory Monday...The Blue Demon

2011-08-01T04:18:00.000-04:00

My faithful readers behold the blue demon. This is my car that I truly have grown to love. There have been wonderful memories and some not so wonderful memories made driving in my lil blue car. She didn't always have the snaggle tooth (messed up bumper). That happen a week after my moms passing. I was on my way to go through the rest of her belongings. I was a bit distraught driving thinking about it all and I wrecked. It was a nightmare but I had wonderful friends to help me repair her radiator. I call my car the blue demon because she got me over 2000 miles from KY to AZ. My partner and I made the wonderful moved me here in this lil blue car. It was an amazing trip and I will never forget it. This car may not be beautiful but it brought me here to start a wonderful new journey. I am grateful for the blue demon. I know one day I will have something better but until then I will drive her with pride and thankfulness.

My Thought For Today

2011-07-31T12:37:00.000-04:00

It is my humble opinion and belief that we are all born with a purpose. I don’t think we are given life to take up space and waste oxygen. We all have some sort of destiny. It is also my belief that we choose to either fulfill that purpose. One thing I know for certain is there is good and there is evil in the world we live in. I have seen enough evil to last me a lifetime. When it comes to my occupation I have seen and heard things that were so awful I have gotten sick. There have been incredibly rough days that keep me up at night. Yet there have been days were I have really accomplished helping someone. I have witnessed a tearful person suddenly begin to smile when a connection is made and they fill someone cares.

I fully believe that one purpose that we are all given is to help each other. Before technology and our human advances we had no choice but to share. We learned from each other and gave to each other. People would share things from the land. It seems today that we are so busy that we barely have time to stop and smile at each other, let alone complete a good deed for someone. Everyone wants someone to care I even if they are the meanest person. Sometimes it takes time to tear down a wall built by hurt. I leave you with these questions. What are you doing to help someone out? Are you breaking down any walls? What do you feel your purpose is?

Freestyle Friday

2011-07-29T02:23:00.001-04:00

Words of Inspiration

If the answer isn’t clear.

Keep seeking

When it seems impossible

Never lose hope

When a door is closed in life

Look for a window

If given another day

Use it as a gift

When the path isn’t revealed

Follow your heart.

Wacky Wednesday Question...Worst Vacation

2011-07-27T11:02:00.000-04:00

I am trying to get back to my regular posting thus I have a Wacky Wednesday Question this week. What was the worst vacation you have ever taken? Since I am asking my readers to share (because I love hearing from you) I will share mine. I honestly think it was the worst one for my family.

I was only four years old and my parents decided to take me to the magic kingdom AKA Disney World and visit family in Florida. I cried the ENTIRE time. The first mistake on this incredible journey was driving straight through with a four year old and my great grandmother in the back seat. My parents didn’t make hotel reservations and there were no rooms in any Inns. The second and biggest mistake made was taking me to the beach with no sun block. I looked like a little lobster and felt like horrible. We were at the beach long but honestly I have sensitive/fair skin. I get my bake on even when it’s overcast…I mean I was born a ginger. I hurt my toe on our trip to the beach and it bled. My family really tried pulling out all the stops and taking me to the Disney World but not even Mickey Mouse himself could cure what was ailing me. My Aunt will tell you I through a hotdog at her because I wanted an ice cream instead. I really think I truly wanted to cool down my insides. I was not a child who really made a habit of throwing things at adults. I truly was a brat but I was uncomfortable. Needless to say the magic kingdom did not work its magic on me. My mother swore I finally stopped crying once we reached the Kentucky state line and I was home. It was the worst vacation for me and more importantly for my family. Okay so who can top this vacation?

Amy's Death

2011-07-23T18:11:00.003-04:00

Today I was saddened by the news of singer Amy Winehouse’s death. At this moment the cause of death has been reported unknown; however in my mind I have this preconceived notion that her death was somehow related to substance use. At times I work with substance abuse users and in some cases I do have sympathy. It can be hard for some users to kick the habit when they partake in certain substances. I have seen the destruction of substance use. I have seen the effects it has on the user and the users loved ones. I have heard the stories of how users had built a wonderful life and watched it all suddenly fade as they gave way to the substance of choice. I have seen people who had so much to offer society suddenly have nothing to give to anyone not even themselves. Not only am I saddened by the news of Amy Winehouse’s death I am angered. I am angry that the world lost another great talent more than likely due to substance use. I hope whatever troubled her in this life and caused her to self medicate is finally dealt with. I hope in my heart she truly rest in peace because it seems she did not have much peace here.

Freestyle Friday

2011-07-22T13:34:00.001-04:00

Words Concerning Love

When love enters your life in whatever form

Treasure that love and hold it close

Be thankful you were given the opportunity

Embrace the memories that is being created

Always remember love is the greatest gift given

Memory Monday: Opportunities

2011-07-18T11:18:00.000-04:00

I can honestly say that there are times when I miss my old job of working in a residential environment with adolescents. I do not exactly miss the company that I was employed with. I miss some of my co-workers and working with the kids. Last summer I had such an incredible time playing volleyball with the kids. There were days the kids were incredibly excited to play. If I were lucky my co-workers would join me and we would play for hours. I really enjoyed seeing shy/withdrawn kids come out of their shells and play. Then there were the kids who couldn’t play at first and when they finally hit the ball over the net it was great. Everyone would cheer including their peers. I miss surprising the kids with chocolate chip pancakes and making meals for them they enjoyed. I miss caring for the kids who felt like they had no one. Those are the days I miss at my old place of employment. I would like to say everything has it season. No matter what I miss about my old job I love my new one. There door opened wide for me to continue to help a variety of people with a new group of great co-workers. I feel very blessed to have the opportunities I have had to help others. I feel that we all have purpose in life and I am grateful I have found mine.

Freestyle Friday Self Declaration

2011-07-15T14:49:00.000-04:00

Not much to this freestyle Friday other than a little self declaration.

I will not waste the precious time I have been given today to worry with what tomorrow may hold. I woke up this morning with breath in my lungs, clothing on my body, food in my kitchen and a roof over my head. I possess no power to control the events that will occur tomorrow. I will live each day to the fullest and help as many people as I can. All the riches in the world do not bring a long fulfilling life. Today and everyday given I will love myself. I will live each day as though it were my last.

Wacky Wednesday Question....Embarrassing Injuries

2011-07-13T12:04:00.000-04:00

Well I have a wacky Wednesday question after a hiatus from them. What is one of your most embarrassing moments that caused injury to yourself? Now my readers who know me well know that I have had several moments like these. There are times when I am so clumsy that I should place myself in a bubble for protection. I literally thought about drawing out of hat to pick my moment. I decided on one. This moment happened after having a lovely evening with my friends C and S. I had a great dinner and wonderful conversation. Let me just tell you C is a great cook so maybe I was still focused on the yummy food in my belly when I was leaving. C can even make broccoli taste good so good that I was taking the leftovers home. I was bidding them a good night and attempting to walk down their front steps. I should know better than to attempt to do two things at once. The next thing I know I am tumbling down the steps. S explained she saw me in their front window doing fine. Suddenly out of that same window she was watching my body tumble to its fall. I fell so hard that my broccoli flew out of my hands. I was pretty banged up and crying when it first happened. Once I realized nothing was broken I yelled “oh no where is my broccoli” and we all began laughing. C took really good care of me and had me feeling better in no time. It was embarrassing; however we all look back on it and laugh. The first few times I visited after that they closely watch me to make sure I didn’t fall again. We all have at least one story like this….so what is yours?

Dreaming, Crisis, and Lady Gaga

2011-07-11T16:13:00.000-04:00

Well I am taking a break from my normal blogging routine and not really sharing any particular memory today. One thing my readers may not know about me is that I have vivid dreams. In most cases my dreams really have no meaning however there have been a couple of occasions where my dreams have meant something. Last night was a rough night but I had an awesome dream in my opinion. The dream didn’t have any meaning but it was fun having. Most of you know I work as a crisis specialist and help individuals in crisis. Well last night I dreamed that of all people Lady Gaga was in crisis. Laugh if you will but it was a very vivid dream. The best part about the dream I helped her with her crisis and in return she gave me front row seats at her concert. There I was front row seats to her performing Born This Way. Some of you may think it is a cheesy dream but for a fraction of time it was vivid for me. Until I woke up and realized that it will probably never be a reality, hey but a girl can dream right????? If she ever is in crisis I would not hesitate to help no tickets needed.

Dog Chasing Alone

2011-07-09T17:17:00.000-04:00

Well I am trying to adjust to my partner being out of town. She has only been gone a day and I already had my first emergency. Yesterday started with my third migraine for the week. I should have known trouble was on the horizon. I decided to take care of myself yesterday and relax. Just me and Chelsea (my dog) in the cool hair condition since it is hotter than Satan’s butthole in the desert. The sun finally went down and I began to feel better. I decided Chelsea and I should go for a walk. It was then I found out that Chelsea is suffering with PTSD after the dust storm last week that she was out in for a minute. We were walking our normal route and all of a sudden the wind began to blow. Chelsea started freaking out immediately and jumped up like she wanted me to carry her. Mind you she is a 35lb dog and I have recently been diagnosed with back trouble. I did my best to calm her but before I knew it she slipped out of her harness and bolted. I started freaking out. I tried calling her but she took off like a Pentecostal in a tent revival. I was at a loss and panicking. My partner was out of town and I knew she would not be happy I lost Chelsea who is like our child. I walked around on foot and I realized I would have a better chance finding her driving around the neighborhood. I entered our gated complex and there was Chelsea. I have never been so happy to see her. I don’t know how she got back in the complex but I was grateful none the less. I survived my first emergency without my partner and I am hoping I do not encounter anymore. I learned a couple of lessons from my emergency. The first Chelsea has PTSD and we should avoid taking her out in wind if possible. The second was to tighten her harness which I did this morning.

Dave Matthews Band Lying In The Hands Of God ACL

2011-07-08T19:48:00.000-04:00

Not feeling very creative today...So I give you the creative Dave Matthews

Giant Dust Bunny

2011-07-06T02:52:00.000-04:00

Rob Schumacher/The Arizona Republic

Say hello to my little friend pictured above Giant Dust Bunny. Well I can say I experienced my first dust storm in Arizona and survived. I have experienced tornado weather but never a dust storm. I must say it is a completely different experience. My work partner and I actually were traveling in the storm pictured above. Were talking zero viability, power outages, and the airport shutting down. I wasn't as scared as I thought I would be because I was fighting off a migraine. It was an interesting experience that I will not soon forget. I have never been so thankful to see our work office. When we got out of our work vehicle it was covered in dust and my mouth felt like I had swallowed a dust pie. I am happy to report that all my co-workers made it through the storm fine. This ladies in gentleman is only the beginning of Monsoon season bring it on. I have survived numerous tornado seasons I think I can survive Monsoon season.

Memory Monday

2011-07-04T19:29:00.000-04:00

Happy Fourth everyone. Some of my favorite fourth of July memories have occurred over the past few years. For the past three years I have spent my fourth of July holiday at my best friends house back in Kentucky. Her and her husband always have the best cookout ever. There is always great food, great fun, and top it all off with a vast array of fireworks. It really became one of my favorite holidays over the last few years. I have many fond memories of the cookouts I attended there. This year is the first year that I was not able to attend the cookout and can I just say I may have pouted a bit. While it stinks that I am not there this year I am grateful for the memories I created. Who knows maybe next year I can make plans to take a trip and attend the best fourth cookout.

Feelin Hot...Hot...Hot

2011-07-02T13:56:00.001-04:00

It is the fourth of July weekend and like every weekend I am working. I honestly don't mind working on holidays it has become the norm for me over the past few years. The thing I do mind about working this weekend is the record breaking heat. Driving around it temperatures of a 117 is not my idea of fun. Come to think of it I do not think it is any one's idea of fun. I think a baby pool in my work vehicle is in order. I am thinking of incorporating little umbrella hats with fans into my uniform attire. That song Feelin Hot....Hot..Hot is playing over and over again like a carousel melody in my head or it could be a heat delirium.

My plan to make it through this work Holiday weekend is to stay hydrated, apply sunscreen to my pasty skin, and stay out of the sun as much as possible. With that plan in place I should be able to at least help someone in need this weekend. I hope all my readers have a safe and happy holiday weekend. Will one of you please eat a grilled burger and light a sparkler for me.

Freestyle Friday

2011-07-01T17:23:00.000-04:00

Oh Reality

I dream as though tomorrow were worth living.

I dream as if all the wrong in the world disappears.

I wake up to find tomorrow is another day.

I wake up to find people are still the same way.

In silence I grieve for daily tragedy.

In silence I see what the world could be.

I dream to paint a picture of happiness

I dream to escape reality and sorrow

I wish to make dreams reality

I wish wake up to find the world unbroken.

Memory Monday....Bluegrass

2011-06-27T01:58:00.000-04:00

This week’s memory combines a new memory with an old memory. I have an eclectic taste when it comes to music. I even like bluegrass although it is not my favorite genre I have an appreciation for the talent that it takes to produce good quality bluegrass music. I especially love when a bluegrass song tells a story. After all country and bluegrass music are my roots being that I am from the good old bluegrass state of Kentucky. I remember growing up listening to the sounds of Hank Williams, Conway Twitty, George Jones, Loretta Lynn, and Dolly Parton just to name a few. My grandparents were faithful watchers of Hee-Haw and I got the fine pleasure of watching with them. My grandfather was musically inclined and would play his guitar like he didn’t have a care in the world. When I was little he would sit me on the front porch with him and we would sing as the neighbors walked by. Some would stop and listen. It is a memory cherish about my grandfather.

Now currently I do not listen to much country because it really isn’t what it used to be. Country music seems to have become a little bit more modernized and lost its roots somewhere along the way. Much to my surprise my partner also has an appreciation for old bluegrass music. When she mentioned Alison Krauss and Union Station were coming to town I realized I had to purchase tickets. I am glad I did because we had such an amazing time. The talent that took the stage was phenomenal. We were pleased to find that our seats were relocated even closer than anticipated. As I listened to the music that night I nearly cried remembering my grandfather and my childhood. I will never forget that night sitting with the love of my life combining an old memory with new memory. I decided to share a few photos from that night with my readers I hope you enjoy.

Freestyle Friday

2011-06-24T02:56:00.000-04:00

Okay so its a sappy freestyle Friday. Happy Friday to all.

Beloved

If tomorrow I draw my last breath

I will die knowing that I am loved

Because of you, beloved

My life is complete

I do not walk the earth alone

Instead I take my life’s journey

With you by my side

Hand in hand

I am blessed beyond measure

I am thankful you are mine.

Thank you for loving me

My Beloved.

Wacky Wednesday Question

2011-06-22T14:05:00.000-04:00

Summer is upon us and that means melon time. My question for today is what is your favorite melon?

Get your mind out of the gutter....I mean these melons!!!!

Memory Monday Cinnamon Toast

2011-06-20T11:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a dreaded day for me….that’s right father’s day. I have always had a difficult time during this particular day. While some people are offering homage to their father’s I rack my brain trying to figure out one thing that would require me to offer homage to mine. I love my father for giving me life but I keep my distance because he fails to make change. When something becomes unhealthy for one they should flee from the source of detriment. That is why I had to forgive my father and move forward with my life. Yesterday was that friendly reminder that I have neither of my parents. I could be bitter however I am grateful that I was given a mother who could fill the role of mother and father in my life.

I do know that if my mom were alive I would call her today and tell her happy father's day. I do miss her and days like yesterday remind me of her absence. I hold on to the precious memories I have of her. I have been thinking a lot lately about her cooking. I still remember one of the favorite things she made for me as a child....Cinnamon toast. We didn't have a lot of money growing up and it was a cheap breakfast to make. I would wish I could have some of her Cinnamon toast once more.